Chance of a lifetime

Long walks on the beach is the cliche for romance. I thought about the Genesis mention of Enoch: "Enoch walked with God; then he was no more, because God took him away." Most people concentrate on the latter part that he did not die a normal death... but his life on earth did end. 

I want to talk about the walking with God part. Is it like a long walk on the beach? Alone, in love, in friendship, closeness, romance...? We'll have to ask him, I guess. 

Today on my daily morning climb, under a humid overcast sky, it started to rain hard as I passed the old mosque. People scurried into cars, under cover or ran faster down the escalator. I continued my walk getting washed and soaked. The Take 6 song was playing. I was alone, thinking about the recent life journey. Some of the feelings and thought are what I have been writing here. In effect all my securities built up from "life experience" like logic, money, skills, confidence, security, plans... were all taken away. All that was left is me and my God. Sounds scary but so does a walk alone on the beach. 

Romance depends on who is there with me. The chance of a lifetime is every single moment when I'm walking with the right company.

Learning from success

The more popular saying is "learn from your mistakes". During good times, like a good home, rising wages, a good job or school, it makes sense to say this. Someone's got your back so the most likely variable for failure is yourself.

What about times of war or tragedy or sickness? We all grow up during bad times although we instinctively try to avoid them. When we feel alone and hopeless, our own mistakes are no longer the main lesson: how do you deal with an outcome that seems guaranteed to be unsatisfactory?

This is the cloud that has hung over me since 2006. I've changed. Improved habits, vented my pent up feelings, embraced those who love me and come to terms with mortality even. But nothing could assure me of the crazy sports car that runs a red light or the off chance of a falling piano.... 

Bad times are often inexplicable because our mistakes alone could not cause or prevent them.

I spent the weekend with Mary and Lily (my sister and her nearly 3 year old daughter). Lily's mood swings caused me to comment to Mary that I now know where the inspiration for Jekyll and Hyde comes from. People are messy. So if a 3 year old cannot be fully explained, what about my future?

The limits of our knowledge are vast. But the amazing tides and forces that seem to move us forward are also strong. It's easy to get lost in the confusing rabble and noise. Our success (not our errors) seem more useful for facing the unknown tomorrow.

"Christmas morning"

I know I'm 10 months late or 2 months too early but I haven't felt like that for such a long time. Probably since I discovered Santa was an impersonation.

The anticipation of a nice surprise that is all but assured. That's the magic. The presents, who gives them and even what they are, do not compare to the expectation and joy of the wait. This feeling is back in my life.

Not that everything has to turnout great or even positive. But the hard things in life that we dread don't seem so terrible because I now know they are all for my growing.

What can be better than becoming the man who revels in the love in his life? Love for and from people. Seeking love in the tides of humanity, transcendence and the mystery of life in this world whose very survival in our vast savage Universe is in itself a miracle.

I've grown up from looking up at the stars thinking they make a nice picture to be admired, to seeing the destructive power that make them possible, but resting in the peace that comes from the balance of life and circumstance that sustain humankind on this little blue marble we live on. A miracle that promises more of the same.

Even the bad times are good in the end. It's guaranteed. Why fear growing pains? The dread of hardship has been conquered by the anticipation of life in the making.

other gods

There was a new freedom this morning in my heart. It turns out that I had submitted to fate, man-made systems, superficial circumstance and a debt mentality. They had become gods. I now see new meaning to the commandment "You shall have no other gods before me" (because it's they are bad for your mental health).

For me, getting rid of them that subjected me to their haunting and caused me to bow in submission (at least mentally and emotionally), I suddenly see clearly what's really in front of me and the road ahead. The fog is finally gone.

Commands can be freeing if they are true.

Stateless

I found myself thinking about where I've been like looking under the scab of a wound. Drama can do that. It leaves psychological scares that make us think about leaving behind a condition that was self defined in the first place. The trauma they caused was too deep to forget and they remain to haunt us even when the condition that sparked all the fuss has long passed.

Death, decease, fights, break ups, firings, arrests, terror... just to name a few.

In the middle of the recovery, it's hard not to. But like any wound, healing does occur and there comes a time to move on and leave the state of trauma. It's easy to think we left something horrible and into peaceful territory like leaving the cinema after a suspense movie.

Life is not about moving from predefined states. Although they help society organize life in a orderly way and perhaps helps us understand ourselves superficially. But look a little deeper and life is much more mysterious and potentially rewarding.

Pleasure exists in nice surprises, good feelings and peace. All these things are unpredictable. Their origin changes for different people and over time. Once you move past the basic knowledge of safety and livelihood, there is always some room to look for the magical moments that can surprise us rather than dreading the next crisis.

It all begins with being stateless.

Philippians 4:11-13
New King James Version (NKJV)
11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ[a]who strengthens me.

Morning

When morning comes, it's refreshing, relaxing and full of hope. But unless you are the one experiencing the Sunrise, the feelings are hard to share. It's about comfort, rest and readiness. One of the most amazing Sunrises I remember was when I spend the night on the hood of a car (yes you heard correctly). Even though I hardly slept with my back on the windshield, the Sun's rays appeared one by one creating magic in the clouds, the hills, the trees and revealed the sky like a symphony and a dance.

It's like true love, real family, close friendship and inner joy which turns out to be corny and melodramatic when you try to express it. You have to be there! And I'm here. This morning!

Mundane magic

After a bout of high blood sugar that sent me to the hospital 2 years ago, I learned to cut out all simple carbs from my diet and I finally learned to control my weight. I feel 18 again as daily morning workouts moved my body system towards the positive and I never felt better.
Vanity drew me to the diet secrets of models and realized I was already doing what they recommended except for cutting out fat and eating every 3 hours.
I tried it. And you can see fat disappear after 7 days.
The unexpected result was my mood swings flattened. I was feeling up more often.
Thus mundane magic!